Along my way

In 35 years of finding my way - I have been a skilled fine artist, I have been an escort with aspirations to become a model, I have been a deli manager, A butchers apprentice, I have been a retail manager, I have been a graphic designer, I have been a skilled laborer, I have been a telemarketer, I have been a loan officer, I have been a Construction Site Surveyor, I have been a pressman, I have been a steel worker.

My accomplishments in these roles have pronounced consequence and many difficulties have reached a desired resolution. Not always the right one, but never the less a direction. The evidence of each move has been induced by financial gain, emotional miscalculations, geographic relocation, temporal satisfactions-dissatisfaction and innovative intrigue.

Along this path I have loved and lost loves, but regained my momentum after each heart wrenching sequester. Not all was lost in the emotional misdirection’s as I am the father of three handsome young men, perhaps Confirmation that amongst failures grand accomplishment cannot be denied.

The course of my direction steered by a childlike wandering, the lack of parental influential guidance and example, coupled by deeply imbedded fears from child hood abuses formulated wavering thought processes, maneuverability towards the quietest direction chosen by the most predictable outcomes.  This formulated thought process began to evolve and mature. I only found the course of needed change when I recognize accomplishments that I admired in others, I wanted these things for my own life’s ambitions.

By the time I took a foot hold on this path my hair had begun to grey perhaps an indicator of wiser times. I found myself in a career of my own choice and again I have found love that would challenge me to be my best man. Amongst my personal assessments I realize self-indulgence and self-righteousness where the catalysts for many past failures. So patience and long suffering would take a seat at the forefront of my thought processes concerning self-discipline. Crippling pride would begin to erode and soften its stance. As I embrace the idea and principles of true love and self-worth. The concept of happiness and the fresh sense of accomplishment reignited my creative side.  Perhaps the scars of an ugly past no longer shut the eyes of my consciousness.

So along my way to this new sense of well-being will perhaps open the doors and windows to good fortune with a rekindled sense of humility.

I miss you Love

Ah I have been captivated
I have been hurt, harmed and humiliated
I have felt the sting of rejection and the subtle sourness of defeat
I have felt the brand of death as its slams the door of existence
I have felt euphoria and triumph
I have been mystified, glorified and dignified
I have excelled and failed
I have tasted exploration and ingenuities ventures
I have felt affection and given it freely
I have journeyed and been awed
I have felt innovation and originality

But in all the sensual quests that make one feel, it is you I miss the most and to be without you just seems unreal.

Never the less connection is an agreed surrender of personal agendas and an approved location of union.

The choice to remain is as fragile as porcelain, and earned every day.
Some how I failed to keep your attention. So in my soul it has begun to rain.

Sorrow belts out thunder and pain explodes like flashs of lightning.
As the winds blind my minds eye I invest in memory and prayer…though I cannot stop the tempests caused by disconnections.

My soul sings a soft tone of praises, Because I have felt you and its impact harmoniously informs my sense softly that I miss you Love.

Water looks like love and love looks like water

Water must move against the earth to find its way to the ocean.
It can erode the very earth that holds it.

In its seasons it can temper and ruin, it can be cold and icy
and it can caress bringing joy and relief.  It can hydrate and drowned,
it can fall from the heavens and pool up on the ground.
It can freeze and boil and cause turmoil.
It can steam up our windows and keep us clean.
It can be calm and serene, like glass it can gleam.
It brings out springs glory,
it can create perfect conditions or create new acquisitions.

Love must move against the soul as it finds its way to a heart.
It can erodes the very being that holds it.
In its seasons it can temper and ruin, it can be cold and icy
and it can caress bringing joy and relief.
It can hydrate and drowned,
it can fall from the heavens and pool up on the all around.
It can ice over and boil and cause turmoil.
It can steam up our windows and keep us spotless.
It can be calm and serene, like glass it can gleam.
It brings out springs glory,
it can create perfect conditions to stay in position on a balmy morning.

Your body cannot live with out it, for your body was designed to hold it.
It feeds our wellbeing and heightens our senses.
It can never be harnessed or held back by fences.
Its cleansing qualities move with ease, as passionate as a warm summer breeze as it harmonizes with the trees.

Water and Love what depths you occupy…you bond in our souls like a tree thrusting roots into the ground with angelic reaches to the heavens above.

Your likeness whispers hints of miraculous creation from the hands of our creator.

Maybe, just maybe you are the same, a perspective or explanation of why our tears taste salty like the ocean. Possibly inside the molecular make up of our souls is an ocean?
You see water looks like love and love looks like water. 

Notions to Memories

When winter comes to claim its season,
we bundle up and make our best efforts to keep warm.
Seasonal holidays challenge us to warm those we love in everyway possible in seasonal celebration.

The over cast sky and the piling snow can ice over our joy at times...
limiting our travel and stiffling our sense of adventure if we allow it to.

The limiting factors are a reflection of our personal limitations. Just listen on a silent winter night as the snowmobiles race through the elements in full fledge enjoyment.  Not unlike a canoe cutting its way down a river on a blazing summer day.

Adventure is a notion that pools within us all.

Set it free and you wll be amazed at how your spirit can accomplish the quest.  I remember being caught in the moment jumping of a rock into the hudson river as it twisted through the Adirondacks just to realize I still was fully clothed glasses on my face and most importantly, I couldn't swim!

Sucking some water in nervous laughter I did it and fear was so far away I couldn't see or feel it.

I remember the sense of exileration that purges the emotions as you zip down the face of a hill controlling motion and energy.  Evading the fall as you speed across snow and ice.

I remember the sense of running through a snowy canyon on horse back in Montana.  No sound other than the breath of me and my horse and the tack. The sound of the hooves cutting the snow crisply piercing silence.

I remember the pain on my wifes face as the time had come for the baby to enter exisitence, and how I wished I could take every once of it for her, I remember his messy face as he screamed out in horror!  Going from warm and cozy into naked, cold and in the hands of strangers!
Only to realize hey I remember your voice as I held him for the first time. His stare through my eyes and into my soul was re-writting my identity and changing my understanding instantly.

Inside of the these moments life is at its fullest pictures capture segments, videos capture flashes of motion in time, but the memories are ours forever...we can play them over and over.  Never have to return them or pay for them.  We can play them whenever we can.

The magic is we can make them just as easily as we can imagine them, take a notion and make it into a memory. Ah!

Closed

Have you ever watched your car door close just to realize its locked and your keys are in the ignition?

Have you ever Come home after grocery shopping only to realize the door is locked and you forgot to put your key back on your key ring?

Have you ever walked out to head off in your busy day to find that your car won't start?

Have you ever attempted to love someone only to find they just closed the door and turned the lights off?

Oh what a feeling...
With each experience wisdom files and shapes your dealings forward.
So the next time someone doesn't just shine with a smile when you say good morning or expresses a joyless attitude, before judgement over comes your defenses, come to your senses and exam the moment...

It is very possible you might have something in common here with the individual.
Ask your self the question you want to impose.

Life is so unpredictable, but it should never keep you from planning, besure your planning encompasses a plan B and possibly a C.

The less disappointment we let in will help shape our expectation...  Allow plan B and C to fluidly move into place with out the shock factor leading us to dissapointment and aimless rants.

Startegizing should be apart of the plan. Life lesson 423,789,641,313.987

Souled out

The cold winter breeze on a mid January morning. 14 degrees below zero is enough to send most into hibernation. The remedy, lighting a toasty warm fire in a crackling fire place and sipping a hot cup of coffee slow and easy. Allowing the lumination of the dancing flames take you far from the sting of that fridged January bite that is slowly leaving your toes and your nose. Peel open the pages of a long awaited reading of a book, cuddle with your children. Hold your wife tight.

BUT, what if for a moment your reality seperated you and you could not touch those you love anymore?

A thought that should send a January shiver through the depths of your soul!

Will it take something tragic to bring you to the warmth of a hug?

Will it be the absence of joy in your childs smile or the loss of those gazing innoscent eyes looking into yours, reflecting the comfort and safety that only your arms provided with a slow growing grin?

I hope not.

Go to the place hidden in the depths of your soul and fill it up!  Take all the most precious moments and hide them thier.  Lock them away with all that you would hope for. If you could not ever see them or touch them ever again...here in the depths of your deepest soul.  They will live forever.  Draw on this strength in your darkest hours, boast of them in your finest hours.

get to know the desire to just one more time touch them. To hear thse little voices and look into the eyes of those you love and those who love you in return.

Don't let the coldness, bitterness and strife steal you away from joy!

In the blizzard of pain you can hibernate or break out into the cold sting of reality and face the pains of the past.

Journey through them with passionate dilgence until they are gone from you.

Then when you have nothing left and the coldness seems to have rendered you helpless stealing warms from the very marrow of your bones, Close your eyes as though you dont want to see any longer!  Reachout to the healing whisper from within your soul.

Then when you clearly hear the whispered direction begin to open your eyes slowly, easing them open like waking from a deep dark slumbering sleep into a luminated room filled with bright light.

Then and only then when you soul is emptied of pain you might just find yourself next to that fire place, sipping coffee with the familiar embraces of the ones you love. A fantastic reward for the diligence quest of healing and help from above...good bye my pain. I am souled out.

Inspiring Quotation for Surveyors
I just had share it...

"The problems of boundary lie at the foundation of all surveying, for one must know where a line is before he can measure it, and the solution of these problems calls for the same powers of accurate observation and of consecutive and logical thought that are demanded for successful work in any branch of modern science.

It is needless to say that the successful surveyor must be accurate in his instrument work and in his computation; yet, if he would really succeed, he must go beyond this.

He must add to this the patience to collect all the evidence which can be found bearing upon the case in hand, together with the ability to weigh this evidence to a nicety and to determine clearly the course pointed out by the balance of probability.

If, in addition, he posesses enough imagination to cast pleasant lights across the desert of dry details, he should be successful indeed.

The watchwords of the Surveyor are Patience and Common Sense.

The vocation of the Civil Engineer has always been invested with a dignity of its own. But it seems to me that of late years, in paying him the honor which is his just due, we are apt to fix a little too wide a gap between him and his humbler brother, the Surveyor.

We give engineering the chief attention in our technical schools, but surveying we are wont to relegate to the Freshman class. Yet the profession of the Surveyor deals with one of the oldest and most fundamental facts of human society - the possession and inheritance of land.

Fire, flood and earthquake wipe out the greatest works of the engineer, but the land continueth forever.

Curiously enough the Surveyor is isolated in his calling, and therein lie his responsibility and his temptations.

The lawyer comes nearest to understanding the work, yet of the actual details of a survey most lawyers are woefully ignorant. The business man who can judge to a hair the fulfillment of a contract has no eye for the for the shortened line or the shifted landmark.

To the skilled accountant of the bank the traverse sheet is a closed book. Dishonesty in ordinary buisness life cannot long be hid and errors in accounts quickly come to light, but the false or faulty survey may pass unchallenged through the years, for few but the Surveyor himself are qualified to judge it.

I maintain that in the hands of the Surveyor, to an exceptional degree, lie the honor of the generations past and the welfare of the generations to come;in his keeping is the Doomsday Book of his community, and who shall know if he is false to his trust?

Therefore I believe that to every Surveyor who values his honor and has a full sense of his duty the fear of error is a perpetual shadow that darkens the sunlight.Yet it seems to me that to a man of active mind and high ideals the profession is singularly suited; for to the reasonable certainty of a modest income must be added the intellectual satisfaction of problems solved, a sense of knowledge and power increasing with the years, the respect of the community, the consciousness of responsibility met and work well done. It is a profession for men who believe that a man is measured by his work, not by his purse, and to such I commend it."Boundaries and Landmarks By A.C. Mulford 1912

WOW!